San Diego Psychotherapy for Anger, Shame, and Guilt 

Finding a Therapist for Anger, Shame, and Guilt in San Diego

How do you deal with anger and guilt?

What are the signs of shame?

Is anger a mental illness?

Many emotional states that we commonly refer to as feelings can actually be related to judgmental thinking. Anger, shame, and guilt fall into this category. These aren’t what we describe as pure feelings, like joy or sadness – they are emotions tainted by right/wrong thinking. Anger is a moral judgment that someone is wrong or at fault. We may feel satisfied when we explode in anger or fury, but these actions can have terrible consequences. Guilt is similar to anger, as it manifests the same blame plus pain combination outcome. However guilt is inwards, instead of outwards. It’s how we criticize and judge ourselves in relation to our actions. Guilt lingers inside us, where anger flares up then burns out more quickly. But if we are constantly feeling guilty about something, then shame is likely to be connected. Shame is how we feel not just about what we did wrong, but about who we are. Shame is harder to acknowledge, harder letting go of, and even longer lasting than guilt. 

Anger

Is anger a mental illness? Many things can trigger anger including stress, family problems, and financial issues. For some, anger is caused by an underlying disorder, such as depression or alcoholism. Anger itself isn’t considered a mental health disorder, but anger is a known symptom of several health conditions.

Anger is a natural and predominantly automatic response to pain, either emotional or physical. Anger can occur when people don’t feel well, feel rejected, feel threatened, or experience some loss. The type of pain does not matter. The important thing is that pain, no matter how it’s experienced, is unpleasant. But pain alone is not enough to trigger anger. Anger occurs when pain is combined with some anger-causing thought. So in this sense, anger is a social emotion. Feelings of pain combined with anger-causing thoughts motivate a person to take action, face threats, and defend themselves by striking out against the target they think is causing pain. Anger can also be a substitute emotion, meaning people can sometimes make themselves angry so they don’t have to deal with pain. People change their feelings of pain into anger because they feel it’s better to be angry than it does to be in pain. This is done consciously or unconsciously. If you are experiencing anger and are seeking guidance in how to control, manage, or alleviate it, the therapists at Clear Mind Counseling in San Diego can help. They are skilled in working with people with anger issues in their lives in the San Diego area.

Guilt

Guilt is a feeling you get when you did something wrong or perceived you did something wrong. Guilt is a moral emotion that occurs when a person believes or realizes, accurately or not, that they have compromised their own standards of conduct or have violated universal moral standards and bear significant responsibility for that violation. Guilt is closely related to remorse, regret, and shame.

Feeling guilt after a wrongdoing is normal and can often be remedied by apologizing and taking steps to make up for whatever pain and offense has been caused.

In cases where guilt feels out of proportion to the actual harm that was caused, it may be necessary to think about the reasons for one’s feelings of guilt. Seeking advice from a counselor or therapist may be necessary in this case, especially when an underlying mental health condition may be involved. Guilt can be excessive and therapy can be very helpful for addressing intense guilt, especially when depression and post-traumatic stress disorder are involved. If you are experiencing feelings of guilt and are seeking guidance in how to control, manage, or alleviate it, the therapists at Clear Mind Counseling in San Diego can help. They are skilled in working with people with feelings of guilt in the San Diego area.

Sources of Guilt

A number of sources can contribute to guilt. These include family, society, culture, and religious beliefs. 

Family

Children usually learn about “right” and “wrong” from family members, especially parents. When a child misbehaves, parents will express disappointment and issue a consequence. Knowing they have disappointed a parent may trigger feelings of regret and remorse in the child, who will do what they can to win back approval for their parents.

Society

Guilt can result from worrying about what other people will think about certain beliefs and behavior. In this way, society has a big impact on a person’s sense of guilt. Knowing that other people will often judge actions can affect a person’s choices. This can be a good thing as it supports the social norms and moral rules that people generally follow.

Culture

When a person’s culture deems a certain behavior is wrong, a person my feel guilty even if their own morals tells them there is nothing wrong with the behavior. A culture can also emphasize the effects of a person’s behavior on others and relates this to how that person is viewed by others. When a person’s actions cause harm to others, that person loses social respect. Until they make amends, they are often seen as disgraced in the eyes of society.

Religious Beliefs

Some religions emphasize guilt more than others do. If a person’s actions aren’t in line with the teachings of their religion, guilt will often stem from their belief that a divine power is aware of their actions and holds them accountable. Believing this will urge the person to confess, repent, and do something to fix the wrong.

What Are The Psychological Signs Of Guilt?

  • Being sensitive to the effects of every action

  • Overwhelmed by possibly making the wrong decision

  • Avoiding your full range of emotions

  • Low self-esteem

  • Putting others before yourself until it becomes detrimental

Shame

Shame is the feeling of embarrassment or humiliation that arises in relation to the perception of having done something dishonorable, immoral, or improper. 

The signs of shame include:

  • Feeling sensitive

  • Feeling unappreciated

  • Feeling used

  • Feeling rejected

  • Uncontrollable blushing

  • Being worried about what others think of you

  • Worrying that you aren’t treated with respect

  • Feeling like you have little impact

People from all cultures, environments, and geographical regions experience shame. Shame is a feeling that your whole self is wrong. Shame is a feeling that you are bad, worthy of contempt, or inadequate as a person. It relates to our behavior or self, often in relation to other’s opinions, not necessarily about a particular behavior or event.

The experience of shame can be extremely uncomfortable. Shame has the potential to change the way we see ourselves and it may lead to long lasting social, professional, and sexual difficulties. If you are experiencing feelings of shame and are seeking guidance in how to control, manage, or alleviate it, the therapists at Clear Mind Counseling in San Diego can help. They are skilled in working with people with feelings of shame in the San Diego area.

Unresolved shame can lead to depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. Living with shame can be a lonely and demoralizing experience. Therapy can help by addressing the underlying causes. Shame has many sources. Some common causes of shame include:

  • Self-esteem issues: Individuals with low self-esteem may struggle with feelings of shame even when they are unable to pinpoint the source of the shame.

  • Religious conditioning: Many religions urge people to feel shame when violating religious norms. Some may even use shame to inspire people to be better or do better.

  • Cultural norms: Many cultures stigmatize certain behaviors. For example, certain sexual interactions or partnerships, like homosexual sex or pre-marital sex.

  • Trauma and abuse: People who experience trauma and abuse often feel shame. Rape and childhood sexual abuse are two examples. It’s common for victims of childhood sexual abuse to feel shame in adulthood.

Shame may be brief or it may be a major experience of self. Some people may be conscious of the shame they are feeling while others are unaware of it and disguise their shame under behaviors such as addiction, anger, and narcissism. Some people respond to shame by engaging in self-harm like cutting, deliberately injuring themselves.

For many of us, we carry hidden feelings of shame and guilt. Something that we did in our past or something that was done to us can haunt us. Shame and guilt can trigger anger because when we harbor these feelings, we tend to react defensively when we’re criticized or given feedback. We may then use anger to divert attention away from our painful feelings, similar to a way a magician might use misdirection when performing a trick. If this sounds like something you’re experiencing, therapy is an effective way to manage these feelings and get you on the road to living a better life. If you have feelings of anger, guilt, or shame, contact the experienced therapists at Clear Mind Counseling in San Diego today to schedule an appointment.